To Hit a Funny Bone
by foxchicka19
Summary: What's this I see? A collection of Brooke-shots? BROOKE-SHOTS? Too bad I don't have eyes to read! Yohoho! XD   A much deserved collection for an amazing skeleton! Here's to the jokes we've heard a thousand times... and aren't sick of yet! :
1. King of Soul and Speed

**A/N:** Here it is, you guys, the most amazing collection known to man... A little thing I'd like to call _**BROOKE-SHOTS**_!

Brooke is such an amazing character, and I went and I looked, and there were like, eight stories for Brooke under the humor genre. Brooke-shots have been in my head for quite the while now, but I just didn't know where to start... XD

This is one of many to come, believe me -though I don't have a set update... it'll be whenever the urge hits me :P

So enjoy tales told from our favourite skeleton's point of view~! :D

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><p><strong>King of Soul and Speed<strong>

The six of them stretched, getting ready to begin. Nami waited off to the side, marking things down on a piece of paper as she glanced at the island.

"Are you guys ready yet?" She asked, rolling up the paper.

"Yohoho! I've been ready for nearly a century!" I laughed.

"That's because you're pushing ninety," Usopp joked.

"He's ninety already, so technically he's pushing ninety-one," Nami said. "Nine-tenths of a century, Brooke. And you still act like a child."

"Yohoho! That's because these bones of mine don't age! And my skin won't wrinkle like a wom–"

"A woman's skin doesn't wrinkle," Nami interrupted, touching her face and glaring at me.

"–because I have no skin that _can _be wrinkled! Yohoho! And might I say you're looking lovely today, Nami."

"No wrinkles?" She said sarcastically.

"A smooth as a baby's bottom."

She rolled her eyes.

"So, if you don't mind me asking –may I see your pan–"

Before I could even finish, I fell face first into the sand, my jaw bone aching with the power of her fist.

"Now, we've all agreed that Usopp, Chopper and Franky will go first, then Sanji, Zoro and Luffy thirty seconds later, then Brooke will go on his own –another thirty seconds later," Nami said, verifying it and seeing if anybody wanted to make any changes.

"I need all the time I can get before Brooke starts," Usopp muttered to Chopper, who nodded and agreed.

"You want to switch heats, Franky?" Nami asked.

"Am I able to use my rockets?" he asked.

"No."

"Then no, I'll remain in the first heat."

"Alright," she shrugged, not truly concerned. "Get ready…. Well, just go already. Robin's on the other side of the island waiting –she'll determine the winner."

They all nodded.

"Well, go," Nami said.

Usopp, Chopper and Franky still didn't move, looking more than a little confused.

"Go already!" She barked at them.

They looked at each other before taking off.

"Shishishi," Luffy grinned, hopping from one foot to the other impatiently.

"If there's anything I can beat you at, it's running, Marimo," Sanji muttered.

"As if, curly-brow," Zoro smirked.

"Muscle brain."

"Number seven."

"You –"

"Go," Nami said, and the three of them took off.

"You going to let any of them win?" she asked as they disappeared into the trees.

"Are you aware, Nami, that the bet we have going on right now is that if any of them win, I won't be able to make my skull jokes anymore?"

"Is that what this is about?" she rolled her eyes. "How stupid."

"So you're on my side!" I exclaimed happy. "Oh, my heart could jump right out of my chest –that's how happy I am! Yohoho. Save for the fact that I don't –"

"Yeah, I know," Nami interrupted. "Just go."

"Yohoho!" I laughed, taking off, breaking through the line of trees. Sometimes I forgot how good it felt to run fast, especially being cooped up on our little ship. This was nice.

I spotted Franky and Usopp running side by side.

"Giving up already?" I asked as I passed, giving a small wave.

Usopp let out a string of unfriendly terms. He –out of all of the group –wanted my skull jokes to end the most. How sad.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," I called back.

"I'll get some sticks and stones," I heard him shout at me.

Or I would have –if I had ears to hear with!

"Yohoho!"

Then I spotted Chopper, running on all four legs.

I ran by him, "Soul King, coming through! Yohoho!"

"So fast," Chopper awed.

I grinned, speeding up. Sanji and Zoro were fighting up ahead, running all the same. Zoro didn't run from anything, so sometimes I forgot just how fast he could move. Sanji ran, pumping his arms incredulously as he shouted insults at Zoro, who was always quick to retort. Ahhhhhhh… my nakama….

So loving.

"You're lagging, Sanji," I said, coming up between the two. I felt sorry for them both, who could never truly get stronger than the other. Even their endurance was fairly equal -both willing to stand up after the most excruciating battles.

"Today's the day you lose, Brooke," Sanji said. "I'll be considered the quickest in our group."

"Yohoho, I love how your dreams are so lively."

"It's not a dream –I'll put you in your place. Six feet under the soles of my shoes."

"As a dead man, I take offence to that," I told him.

"Soon you'll only be seeing dust as I run off ahead of you."

"Yohoho! Too bad I don't have eyes to see with! Skull joke! Yohoho!" I laughed. "Now, cook-san, I hope you like dust –because that's all you'll taste for the next week!"

Zoro laughed as I picked up the pace, running to catch up to Luffy, who I could see just ahead.

"Brooke," he greeted.

"Luffy," I greeted just the same –with a wide grin on my face. He was in second gear, his skin steaming slightly.

"I'm going to beat you," he told me, that competitive edge in his voice.

"I thought you liked my skull jokes."

"I do. But I like winning, too. You don't have to give up your skull jokes if I win, Brooke."

"Thank you, Luffy. You're such a nice captain… but that doesn't mean I'll let you win," I told him.

"It wouldn't be fun without a little competition," Luffy grinned.

And with that he shot forward. I threw back my head and laughed as I ran after him. And overcame him, and left him behind with that silly grin on his face –the smile that could only be worn so widely on a face as rubbery as his.

I broke through the trees and spotted Robin, waving wildly as I neared. I slowed to a walk.

"Robin, as a prize, may I see your –" Sanji's foot hit my jaw.

"What a bone shattering kick," I said, nursing my injured face.

"Good job," Chopper congratulated me as he came from the forest. Usopp and Franky shuffled out shortly afterwards.

"So I guess we're all stuck with his dreaded skull jokes," Usopp rolled his eyes.

"Dreaded?" I questioned.

"I might just have to kick your ass if I hear a skull joke anytime soon," Usopp assured me.

There was a small pause, but I couldn't help it despite the threat:

"Too bad I don't have an ass to kick! Yohoho! Skull joke!"


	2. Hey You

**A/N:** My second Brooke-shot! Woot XD

I thought I'd try a different kind of writing style. I've never written this way, so please, bear with me :) Do you like it? Do you never want to see me write this style again? Tell me so! [Though, if you are going to tell me that you don't want me writing like this ever again, please don't phrase it like that or else it'll probably hurt my feelings... :( ] But yeah, trying something new :P Always good for a writer :P

I hope you enjoy, and lots of laughs to you all :D

Don't be afraid to review!

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><p><strong>Hey You<strong>

You there!

Yes! You!

Yohoho!

Oh, what a sight to see. You dropped something! It's right there, three steps back. There you go, you see? I do!

Except for the fact that I don't have eyes, of course!

Yohoho! Skull joke!

Get it? Because I'm a skeleton!

…What? Am I not hitting your funny bone?

Oh! Look at that! Another skull joke! And that last one happened by accident –I promise!

You don't believe me, do you?

My nakama never believe me either…

They don't laugh either sometimes. Luffy laughs most of the time. Chopper too. But Usopp, Franky and Sanji are going to wear me down until I'm skin and bones…

Oh my goodness! It's even worse than I imagined! I'm _only_ bones.

…

Still nothing, huh? You, my friend, are a tough bone to break. Not that I want to break your bones. I must say though, you don't look like you're getting enough calcium. On the contrary, had I wanted to break your bones, I wonder how hard it would be. You need to drink more milk.

Oh-oh-oh-ooooohhhhh~~~!

Do you see her? She is a lovely woman, indeed. Very voluptuous.

One moment, please…

MA'AM! EXCUSE ME, MA'AM?

Ah, I'm glad I got your attention. How are you doing? Good? That's pleasing to hear! Yohoho! Now, ma'am, excuse me, but, perhaps, may I see your panties?

…

Yohoho, sorry you had to witness that. At least she doesn't hit as hard as Nami does. Now, _she_ has a bone breaking fist. If you're ever going to ask a woman if you can see their panties, I _highly_ suggest you don't ask Nami. It doesn't end well.

What? You never had any intention of asking a girl to see their panties? Are you out of your mind? Have you cracked your skull?

OI! CHOPPER! WE NEED A DOC– Pardon? You're fine, are you?

And yet you don't want to ask a girl if you can see her panties?

…

You're sure you're feeling alright?

…

Well, okay then.

…weirdo.

Whoa? What? I didn't say anything, I swear! Yohoho! You must be hearing things. Which is weird, because you _have_ ears.

So, I –oh, sorry, one second, excuse me.

...

-Sign where? Here? Who am I making this out to? Oh, that's such a pretty name! Yohoho –like music to my ears! But I don't have ears! Yohoho. Yes.

Here you are~ And may I ask if I can see your panties?

What? I can keep them? No, I couldn't.

Well, if you insist… No –that would be ungentlemanly. I can't.

Thank you for being a fan! Farewell~!

Did you see that? _She_ laughs.

AND she offered me her panties.

I should have taken them. But Nami wouldn't have let me keep them anyway…

Oh? Busy? No, I understand. I'm dead to you, aren't I?

… still nothing, huh?

Well, I thought it was funny! Yohoho!

Go. Just go. I should get back to my nakama now anyway.

But it was nice to meet you! Yohoho!

Perhaps we'll meet again some day.

Until then, I bid you adieu.

Oh, Franky. Who was that you ask?

I don't even know their name.

Let's go back to the ship now.

I wonder if Nami will show me her panties?


	3. Boo!

**A/N**: Just a short little Brooke-shot for Halloween... It's clear that at first I tried to write a horror type one-shot, but with Brooke, it's reaaaaallllllly hard, because all I want to do is crack skull jokes.

If you're not aware who "Suki" is, I suggest you read Down Under :P I've come to love her and Brooke dearly as a couple, and I've had so many people review it saying how much they loved her, so I do plan on involving her here especially, with Brooke.

Anyway, almost done the next chapter of "No Danger Allowed", so keep an eye out! :3

Hope you enjoy! :D

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><p><strong>Boo!<strong>

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><p>I couldn't hide.<p>

Even if I were to hide, surely, they'd find me.

They were relentless in their chase. And chase me they did.

They chased me, up and down the dark and crowded streets. Above us, the moon was hidden behind black clouds.

It didn't matter to them that there were people were around –their pursuit never lessened. Their breath was heavy, sweat dotted along their brows. They were tired, but resilient. They weren't giving up any time soon.

I ducked between buildings, into alleys and stores, but as much as I tried to get away, they always seemed to find me.

I could have been a speck of dirt, and they still would have found me.

My feet hurt from running, and all I could hear was their panting.

Or that would have been the case, had I had a nervous system and ears to hear with!

"Yohoho! Skull joke!" I shouted.

"You didn't say anything," Suki said, grabbing my hand and yanking me down an alley. She jumped onto a pile of garbage, pulling me up behind her. As I helped her onto the flat roof top, she smiled up at me, then dragged me to the center of the roof where they couldn't see us.

"Yohoho! They sure know how to make us work up a sweat," I laughed.

"Except you don't have glands to sweat with," she responded, panting heavily. She closed her eyes, lifting her face to the moon as it slid out from behind the clouds.

"Finally, some light," she sighed, opening an eye to look at me. "Too bad you don't have eyes to see with."

I was silent for a moment. "I can see you just fine."

Her face went red instantly.

She placed her hand on my arm, then leaned closer, "Brooke –"

"IT'S THE SOUL KING AND QUEEN!" Someone shouted.

Suki paused, a grin creeping across her face as she grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, "Run!"

"Do you think they're waiting for us back on the ship?" Suki asked.

I thought back to before we left for town –I had asked Nami if I could see her panties –she politely refused with a swift kick to the left temple.

"Yohoho! I don't know what's scarier. Our fans or Nami-san," I chuckled.

We both looked at each other.

"Nami."


	4. A Song For Brooke!

**A/N: **And here's the second one-shot of the night! BrookeXSuki. They make me happy :3

I don't care what anyone says. I love the song I created. It may not seem "song-like" to any of you, but I can sorta hear how she would sing it. Like in those movies where the singer comes up with a song on the spot.

I also wanted to quickly mention that I've OFFICIALLY been on this site for an ENTIRE YEAR! :O Crazy, crazy, I know, I know. I just realized it earlier, since I joined on February 11th of last year. It's the fourteenth now, but all the same, it's been a year! And it's been a great one, I think :) So just a shout out to everyone to say "Thank you". You're all beautiful :)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this Brooke-Shot ;)

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><p><strong>A Song for Brooke<strong>

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><p>"Are you ready?" She asked me, fiddling slightly with my guitar. She was nervous –I could tell as she stood there, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. She took a deep breath. Exhaled.<p>

"I'm ready," I told her, but I was wondering if _she_ was.

She slid her tongue out over her lips, wetting them as she tightened her grip on the instrument. A small gulp of air. Another exhale.

"Just play –though I'm not sure if I'll hear you –"

"You may not have any ears, Brooke, but I'm sure you'll hear this one just fine," she said quietly.

Finally, she started playing the guitar. It was slow at first, but then the pace increased slightly, making it a fun piece rather than a soft piece.

She cleared her throat a little,

"_You have an afro,  
>And I'm not quite sure how it grows,<br>But I like it."_

She blushed slightly as I chuckled.

"_And when the wind blows,  
>You're almost blown away, you know,<br>But I like it  
>It kinda sorta makes me laugh.<em>

_It's been only a few weeks,  
>Since I met you, Soul King<br>I'd say that it feels like years  
>But you don't feel a thing…<br>Skull joke!_

_I don't mind holding your boney hand  
>And I like how your bones are whiter after walking through the sand<br>You crack your jokes, make me grin  
>I don't care if you don't have any skin…<br>And I want you to know as we sail the ocean blue  
>That I~ love all 206 pieces of you"<em>

"Yohoho," I chuckled. If I had a heart, it would be squeezing right now.

"I'm not done," she told me, walking a little closer and sitting across from me.

"_Your jokes will always be funny to me  
>And I don't care about the fact that you're older than eighty<br>Although it's a little weird.  
>But I still like you.<em>

_And I like the music you play  
>And how you sing, nearly every single day<br>Everyone else may find you annoying at time  
>But I still like you<em>

_I don't mind holding your boney hand  
>And I like how your bones are whiter after walking through the sand<br>You crack your jokes, make me grin  
>I don't care if you don't have any skin…<br>And I want you to know as we sail the ocean blue  
>That I~ love all 206 pieces of you"<em>

She cleared her throat again. Her tongue darted out once more, too. She glanced up at me, smiling "Wait for it."

"_I could kiss you, it doesn't matter that you're cold.  
>I got enough warmth for both of us, so that's under control<br>It doesn't matter what you look like to me,  
>I love your bones. They're beautiful like the big blue sea"<em>

Her pace changed completely, definitely more of a pirate-y tune.

"_Yohoho, Yohoho, a pirate's life for me.  
>And in your scrawny arms, is the place I wanna be.<br>And if we sail the ocean true,  
>I know for sure that me and you<br>Will be happy here as skin and bones,  
>As we sit upon our so~ul thrones."<em>

She strummed the guitar hard one last time, stopping it shortly after with her hand. "So what do you think?"

"I think I've never heard anything more beautiful," I told her, looking at her softly.

She leaned a little closer, whispering, "Except you have no ears to hear with."

I leaned forward a little too, "I heard that, Suki. And I felt that. Right here," I took her hand and placed it over my non-existent heart.

"I do love you, Brooke," she told me, setting the guitar aside.

"All 206 bones of me?"

"Especially your funny bone," she chuckled, kissing my cheek.

I just looked at her in mock offense, "What are you talking about? They're _all_ funny bones."


End file.
